Oliver H. Brandise

my dad's job is being outsourced in March

he can either retire or move to assembly line work. if he retired he'll be guaranteed his full pension. if he keeps working, after one year he'll get a pay cut, and i don't know what will happen to his pension.

fuck fuck fuck

so much for being content working at bread co. while i figure stuff out. i need to get a better job NOW.

If the goal for this month is goal-setting I am a master. If the goal for this month is goal-meeting...less so. Today's failed goal was to be asleep by the time Mike woke up to goto work. Looking at his AIM-status I may not have failed yet, but there's no real way of telling. I think he was up by this time yesterday though and if nothing else I've failed at meeting the spirit of my goal.

Sleeping last night was impossible. After the way-too-late bedtime I got woke up a million times from phone calls and workers coming into my apartment to replace my mattress and box-spring. But hey, new mattress and box-spring. I was confused as they stopped by to make sure that I in fact needed new bedding. One took a step inside my room, took one look at my bed and it was assessed. I didn't sleep as late as I might have if not for Mike. He came by and we went and got lunch pre-work, which was really nice (except for me leaving my debit card at home like an idiot). We had a nice talk I think.

I'm slowly re-acclimating to this habitat.

Met goal: Loremaster of Kalimdor. - Great going Ryon. That's one that will pay off.

Blegh, not quite in Urbana yet. I decided to stay home an extra day to get some errands run, which was nice, I managed to catch Avatar tonight as well. I dug it, it was really pretty. I'd love to talk about it with you.

I found out today that my apartment has been rented out for next year which complicates my life even further. I'm considering plan Bs now. Speaking of plan B, how does one begin a job-search? Is there somewhere I should be investigating other than Craig'slist? I kind of lucked into my current job and never held one before that.

This crag's list adventure has been interesting at least.

Today was dull except for a nice family dinner at home. Tomorrow I goto the dentist then travel back to Urbana. I'm hoping to get all of 2009's picture of the day printed as well before I make that journey.

It's of note that all of my 2009 photos of the day are now online as well.

January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December

Previous goals: unfinished.

Well...I called Barr. But I only talked to their answering service. Honestly life would be much simpler if it were January 16th. Well, maybe not simpler, but I'd have at least one big headache to stop worrying about. I suppose it's nice to know that regardless of how much of a headache something is giving you there's a nice big expiration date so at least it will turn into some new kind of headache. Variety in headache flavor is a plus.

I'm coming back to Champaign-Urbana on Monday. Or Tuesday. It depends on the weather but if it's cooperative it'll be Monday. Whenever I get to leave Peoria or Urbana or whatever I feel like I'm not quite ready to leave, maybe like gravity? But I'm very ready to be back in Urbana; these late nights sitting up by myself and sleeping way too late the next day really do a number on me. I need to reinstitute some order into my life.

Tonight was pretty solid though. Ate a bunch of food and played Apples to Apples then some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles board game with Miller and Felder.

Also of note: My first meal of the new year, first real meal discounting random pizza and veggies on NYE, was at this place called Aachi's. I'd never heard of this place before but I heard from someone that Peoria has more than one Indian place. I only knew about Sizzling India. A little big of googlemancy turned up three locations and the place out on Western sounded the most promising. So I went out there pretty much after I woke up on January first and got some lunch with Erik Z. I think maybe he didn't dig his curry, but mine was so good. Someone should hit this place up with me the next time I'm in Peoria. It's nice to have an option that isn't pizza.

Also! If you're up for taking a journey along with me you should join me in this, the fourth year of my picture a day project. I have two friends who have decided to do picture a day as well and this is really exciting to me.

Really, how can you not write an LJ post on New Years...


Had to close last night at Bread Co., so we didn't really have any super huge plans for the night. Got home at about 10:30 and Owen, Carol, and I just drank and watched Hairspray. There was lots of loud singing and attempted dancing, and in general lots of good times were had. Love those two. Thankfully not tired or hungover this morning since I have to go pick the parents up from the airport at 1:30 and go to work at 4.


Now time for reflections on the past year...

I looked at my post from last New Years and one of my resolutions was to continue in 2009 what I had started in 2008, growing as a person and figuring myself out. I think I did a pretty good job at keeping that one. 2009 has definitely been a year where I have finally learned who I am and become comfortable being myself. I've completely accepted the fact that I'm gay and couldn't be happier. It was something I had thought and wondered about since 8th grade/freshman year of high school, but always tried to ignore. I didn't necessarily think there was anything wrong with it, because I've always been totally cool with gay people (a gay uncle and two cousins will do that), but I didn't want to be a stereotype. Call it some weird, backwards feminist thinking or something, but I wanted to be the proof that just because a little girl is a tomboy doesn't mean they're going to grow up to be gay. I don't quite know how to explain it other than to say that there were moments over the course of high school and college where I basically said to myself something along the lines of "you're not gay, everyone expects you to be gay." A little stupid, yes, but it is what it is.

Needless to say that is definitely not my attitude now. I told my close friends and family about it at the end of last year, and as expected most people were kind of like "well duh" but everyone was cool and that is awesome. I love being gay and I love being who I am. I'm no longer self conscious about the way I act and the way I dress. I was always so worried about acting like too much of a tomboy, but now I just say fuck it. I am who I am. I will sit and walk and talk the way that is most comfortable to me, and if I want to a shirt from the men's section because I like it, then I'll do that too.

Finally learning to be comfortable with myself has also helped me be more open in general. I was always kind of quiet and shy, and to a certain extent I still am, but I'm not nearly as worried about making myself look like an idiot in public. I will dance and sing and do whatever else as long as I'm having fun. When I went back and worked at Lou's after graduation in May, almost every person that worked there told me I had changed or that I was different because I put the radio on the pop station and danced around the kitchen singing to every song. I just laughed and yeah and told them I had just come out of my shell a little bit. It's true though. I am a different person from who I used to be in a lot of ways, but I think it's for the better.

At this point last year I was still kind of freaking out about my future, and I've moved away from that. I'm young and I don't have to have my life figured out. Right now, I'm just going to enjoy working at Bread Co., where soon I should be getting promoted to manager, and just enjoy living and having fun with my friends here. I don't get why everyone is always in such a hurry to grow up. I'll just say this: by this point next year, I'll have an idea of either grad school, law school, or career. I think that's a reasonable stance to take. Gives me some time to think while still having a good time living in the moment.

So, in general, I am going into 2010 in a much happier and better place than I was a year ago. I know who I am, I've accepted who I am, and I love who I am. I love my life, I'm not worried about my future, and I am having a blast just living.

Resolutions?
I was slightly intoxicated when I came up with it, but last night I decided my resolution was to meet someone who is not Caitlin, lol. That's a half serious/half joking resolution. I do seriously need to attempt to get out there and meet more people, if for no other reason than to get my mom off my back about having a girlfriend. There's an LGBT band in St. Louis, and I'm seriously considering joining. Yup, I'm that dorky.

What else should I resolve to do? Exercise more would probably be a good one. I walked alot this summer and played softball, but since it got cold I stopped. I do my fair share of moving with my jobs but should probably try and exercise on a more regular basis.

I've done pretty good eating less meat since I started that in like September, so how about drinking less soda. I think that's doable.

Happy New Year!

Christmas at home was alot of fun. Met up with Lou's people for food and drinks Wednesday night and had a good time. They were like a second family for 6 years so I love getting to see them and just catch up and talk. Got some Lou's gossip too so that's always fun.

We do our celebrating on Christmas Eve, so Thursday was a busy day. The girls came over early and we basically just spent the whole day playing. My whole family is obsessed we Glee so we literally listened to that soundtrack over and over and over again. The girls know alot of the words and can sing pretty well all things considered. Brenna and I taught them how to do super cheesy dances like the cabbage patch and the sprinkler and that was pretty amusing too.

I also got to see my 12 year old half niece for the second time in the last like, 7 years, on Thursday. She and her mom came over for the festivities and it was fun. She reminds me alot of me when I was a her age. Only wants to shop at hot topic and wear black. Is going to dye her hair blue. Hard core band geek that likes to read. Makes me wish I could be around more the see her.

Got a few books and cds and dvds for presents. Good stuff. And a giant stuffed monkey pillow thing that is kind of amazing. My parents know me so well.

On Christmas Day I just hung out at home for awhile with the family and then went and saw Avatar with my parents and Suzanne and Nathan. GOOD MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!! I loved it. Visually it was awesome I loved how it borrowed alot from Native American religion and stuff. Drove back to St. Louis after that was over.

Stopped by Trish's house and played pool with her and her gf and her sister and her bf for a little while. Her sister and her mom were pretty cool and really nice to me, so it was fun.

Worked 11-7 yesterday at Bread Co. Not really busy so got off a little early. Came home and got stuff ready and then Vicky came over. A little after that Caitlin came over and me and her and Vicky and Owen just sat around talking. Trish came when she got off of work, and then Shannon got there and we headed to Novaks. Hadn't been out there in awhile so I enjoyed it. It was packed so by the end of the night it was really hard to find room to dance, but I still had fun. Caitlin, Shannon, Trish, Vicky, and Caitlin's friend Stephanie ended up crashing at our place so we had a little slumber party. I don't think I ever had that many girls spend the night when I was little and supposed to have sleepovers, lol. We ended up going to bed at like 4:30 because we sat around and talked for a while after Novaks. I ended up sleeping in my full size bed in between Caitlin and Stephanie. Not exactly comfortable. I woke up quite frequently attempting for find a position that didn't result in a painful shoulder and something. Ended up waking up at about 8:30 because they did, and didn't really get a chance to go back to sleep because Shannon woke up and likes to talk. Then went and work 12-close at Bread Co. and was pretty much a zombie and required 6 shots of espresso to even remotely function. Luckily we weren't that busy so it wasn't horrible.


Soooooooooooooo I'm an idiot and should just never have hung out with Caitlin because its like I'm back to where I was this summer. She's just so cute and easy to talk to and puts up with my dorkiness and actually pays attention to me when I talk. I dunno. She's impossible to read too. I can't tell if she might actually like me or is just friendly like that. I lean towards the latter because I don't want to get my hopes up. Either way, she is definitely one of the coolest people I know.